Goodbye 2020, Hello to you, '21

I’ve spent the past week-ish reminding myself that turning a planner page into the new year isn’t going to be a magic trick that erases what we experienced in 2020.

As many ways as I’ve tried to rewrite that sentence – because it sounds so negative – there’s no way around what 2020 brought to us. All of us.

I don’t want to spend today focusing on the hardships of 2020, but rather on the fact that I don’t think we’ve ever all been so similarly striving for a new beginning. We’re arm in arm, every last one of us. We’re simultaneously finishing the same chapter, peeking over at each other with that ‘we got this’ look on our faces, as we push into what we hope will be a year of blooming after the rain. Sweating, wiping away our tears, carrying a little more grit than we had before.

So when both my littles were napping at the same time this week *#momwin* I took a rare moment to drink in the silence.

I looked out my kitchen window at the sleepy snowfall. Just as most things were in that moment, I was frozen. I think my body just stood up and walked to my office to find my journal, so I could dump my thoughts. Picking up a pen is my most pure and raw form of connecting. To myself, to my inner desires, to a friend, to my words I can’t seem to find, and to my Lord.

I jotted the date down – December 30th. I LOLed as I realized that tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and not one plan had been made. (P.S. I’m glad you will all now experience NYE the right way like I do every year – at home on the couch!). :)

I gazed at the blank paper and imagined its contents of years past: the margins spilling with ideas, dreams, goals and clear directions I was certain I wanted to go. And by December 30th? Fam, you can BET all these things were ironed out by now. But it’s 2020. And we’re in a pandemic. And I had my second child. And I have two under three. So here I was, in my comfies. Nothing but a quiet snowfall and temporary silence with an empty page. And it was that moment I realized I needed to write something different this year.

So instead of writing all my goals and telling God where I wanted to go, I traded declarations for interrogations and asked Him where He wants to take me.

I asked. So many questions. I filled up that page with question marks. I asked God to show me my goals. Show me my direction. Reveal to me what He wants to manifest in my life. Will I go or stay? What should I learn – and is it for me? Or is it for sharing? Where do you want to take me? How many lessons are in front of me right this moment that you want to teach me?

I think sometimes we think God isn’t answering us or paying attention when really we just aren’t asking the right questions.

As I’m setting my goals this year, as I always do, I’m not only focused on hitting those milestones and markers, but what God wants to teach me through the grind of each one.

My ‘word’ for 2020 was QUALITY. I wanted to let go of any inner voice that pressured me to ‘do more’ and exert my energy into being ALL OF THE THINGS. I wanted to reject the pressure of quantity and let my heart rest in the quality of things I said, things I shared, conversations I had. When I spoke or showed up somewhere, it was because it mattered – not because it needed to be checked off the list.

And let me hit you with a quick side note – that ain’t gonna be good for your IG algorithm. Haha, for real. If you’re on social, you know the drill. You need to show up, engage, post, keep your stories current, etc. etc. etc. - to stay ‘in front of your followers’. Let me tell ya something. Sometimes what God wants to teach you will pull you away from the man-made stages or spotlights or algorithms of our world.

But I promise, what He has is better. You won’t know until you try. Don’t be afraid to let go of what man says is important. To everything there is a season. 

My word for 2021 is deeper. My counselor once told me once you take a sip of the Holy living water, your thirst will never be satisfied – you’ll constantly want more. It’s true. When you get that peace that Jesus really is near in every situation, and you have those encounters with Him, you want more. I want deeper everything this year. Conversations. Challenges. Lessons. Words. Effort. Learning. Love. And I think you may not know it yet, but you want it too. Remember this - hard things don’t equal bad things. We were created for a depth we can’t even comprehend. Would love to hear from you, always!